''Her kiss was full of desire, and I knew I couldn't share that feeling with anyone else. And then a wall went up, and just as quickly, I was screened out. But it was too late, because I now knew that she was capable of intense passion, if she would one day allow herself to just feel.'
I closed the book, and felt a strange mixture of wistfulness and hope, and I wondered whether a memory is something you have, or something you have lost...' (1)
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There are things that should be written, and things that should not, and I think everyone who writes, however idly, struggles with this. Will the decisions I make now, which are so uncertain, end in regret? Endless, painful regret? I can't know that now, and, in this future in which I may regret, could I possibly have only one emotion?
Or will I feel I made the choice that I had to make, as painful as it ended up being, for the rest of my life? Will I continue on, learning new things, meeting new people, going to different places than I would have gone otherwise, but feel this choice as a weight in my throat, whenever I think of it? Or some such mixture of feeling.
(1):Another Woman, 1988
Performed by Gena Rowlands
W. Allen
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